I don’t suppose, in this world of media, of updating constantly, discovery and re-appraisal, that I can have anything new to say! It seems very arrogant of me to assume, furthermore, that people will want to read my musings, but I feel so inspired to share them that I’m going to disregard that and soldier on.
So, after that negative start…hello!
I’ll try to give you an idea of who I am because I think it would be odd, reading the words of a stranger. I recently turned 19 and am living at home after two years away at music school. I suppose I’m on a Gap Year technically, though I’m not doing much travelling. (I decided to work instead, you see, to help my parents pay for the next stage of my education.) So in a rather bizarre turn of events I’m currently a receptionist, which isn’t weird in itself, but seems very random to those who know me. I’m extremely disorganized and rather haphazard, and put that together with ‘I’m training to be an Opera Singer’…well, you get the picture. It surprised a lot of my friends.
But such is life.
So yes, life. In September I will be attending the Royal Academy of Music in London as a Mezzo-Soprano which I’m incredibly excited about! Music is a passion I feel very lucky to have and I’m very grateful for whatever it is that made me start singing. I can be so focused on it, and in the best moments feel wrapped up in the music. Of course I can’t acheive that all the time. A lot of the time I tend to feel frustrated with my voice for not meeting my own (unrealistic) standards, but that is the same for anybody with any skill. I am glad of that mindset as it means I am always striving to improve, express and communicate.
I am religious but not in the ordinary sense. For most of my life I was a Christian, but as I grew older I grew unsure. A lot of things in the bible didn’t make sense to me and I found myself unable to relate with God…he was an idea. For me, I realize now, worship and faith has to be centered in what I know and can feel. So two years ago, whilst drinking herbal tea with friends, I voiced this. One of those friends asked me if I could explain what I did believe in, which I attempted to do. At the end of my rambling speech about beliving in what is real but mystical she summarized that it sounded a lot like Paganism.
It felt immediately like something had clicked into place for me. Nature has always been a huge part of my life. Loving it has always been a huge part of me. I was known for going into raptures about flowers, the environment and (to a lesser extent) earth. I have always felt a strange but strong pull towards nature, like I can’t get closer enough to it.
My friend was right. I did some research…a lot of research, and discovered Pantheism.
It wasn’t a ‘revelation’, it didn’t ‘change me’…I already was a Pantheist, I just didn’t know what to call it. Since finding out what it was called however, I have felt much more comfortable, and able to express myself in terms of it, which is always nice 🙂
I think I’ve gotten distracted actually, so back to food, though if you have questions or comments about any of that stuff go right ahead and ask.
I have an odd relationship with food.
For a couple of years I suffered with an eating disorder which sort of became a religion unto itself. Of course it didn’t disappear, and I feel it lurking still, but it is dormant. This blog is part of my attempt to keep it that way. Since discovering the true, real benefits of eating, but eating healthily, I’ve got so much better, and I want to share what I’ve learned and am learning.
Moving to Music College will be an upheaval for me, and living on a budget will make it difficult to eat well, so my worry is that I will revert back to bad-me and stop eating again. I don’t want that…I like good-me! I’ve missed her xD
I have finally understood that the body has a need for reverence, and it gives everything back that you put in.
So whilst I’m still at home, comfortable and very loved, I’m going to experiment and learn how to eat well and treat myself well, without paying stupid amounts. In short, I’m going to assert myself.
I hope you’ll stick around for recipe’s, tips, thoughts, pictures and probably at least one epiphany.